Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
