i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
