The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
