Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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