you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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