Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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