I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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