Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I didn't notice because vodka
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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