My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
