you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
