wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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