marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Drake has all the answers
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
