I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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