I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You have to summon your inner elephant
don't judge my taste in strippers
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
