i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
