Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
