I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
