There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So vagazzling was a success
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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