dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize