i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Your cock deserves a montage
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
