I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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