I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
