Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
