the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
