i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
