cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
