Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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