Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
