You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
