I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
