you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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