i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
