capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
