My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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