morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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