So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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