He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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