I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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