If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
