he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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