I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
