It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The cops high fived after they tackled you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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