big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
