Jerry, you need to find god
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
