Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
