i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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