I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
