you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
