i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
