just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
