even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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