Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
