it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
