who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
