Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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