how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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