I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
