We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
