hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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