and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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