i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
