you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
