The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize