Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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